numb.

Now a days it's hard for me to tell who my real friends are. i know now that i have only like seven true friends, that i know will be there for me.. for now. i guess it's just been hard. after telling some so called friend some stuff, private stuff. i hear about it from another person mouth ONE day later. the same "friend" always picking on me, calling me names, and talking behind my back. when i hear what he says about me from someone i know i can trust. it hurts that he would think so lowly of me. just because i'm friends with someone with more "power". thinking i'm just using him so i can get to the top. i thought he would know better than that! i wouldn't do anything like that ever. were just friends, but apparently he thinks other wise. it just pisses me off, how he could just say all that stuff about me. i always pretend that nothing happened or i don't hear anything, but it's hard to keep quiet sometimes. i just wish that he didn't think of me this way. i know i'm a better person than that. it's a shame he just thinks other wise. why can't he just accept that _____ and i are just friends and that i'm friends with everyone else too. sometimes i think he does all this stuff cause he's jealous of me or something, because i'm so close with them and he isn't. cause when i see him trying to talk to them, it seems like he tries to hard to get them to accept him. when he should just be himself. instead of boot licking. cause i heard he started talking to ____ and then _____ got really annoyed with him . so he doesn't talk to him no more cause he's annoying or well tries to avoid him. when i first met all of them i just acted like myself, and they accepted me for who i was. well maybe at first they might of just talked to me cause i was related to ___, but he has the same thing. he's related to ____. but when we all started talking, i was myself. i wasn't ____ cousin. i was myself. so why can't he do that? i don't get it. why does he always try to make me look bad in front of them and everyone. always calling me a whore, a slut, a tramp, a gold digger, ect. you get the idea. just because there all guys doesn't mean i can't be friends with them. it's like he's saying i can't have guys as friends anymore, and just be and stay friends. i just hope he stops. it's just so frustrating that he even thinks of me like that. like i'm friggen power hungry. i rather earn something by myself then it being given to me. it's 28390723984 times more satisfying knowing that you earned it. i hope he'll stop and think about it. it's like he changed. it's more like he's the one that's after everything. that he's the tramp, slut, whore, gold digger. i just dunno what i did wrong for him to hate me so much. if the thing i did wrong was make new friends, then i'm not sorry for that. i'm just sorry that he's like this now to me, like he's so fed up and so envious. i hate this and i hate him for what he became. i hate that he changed. i wish we had our old relationship back. i think we would of both been happier.

saturdays.

it's been a few days since my last post. on saturday there was a drill competition. and my friends planned a fun day that day too and i couldn't make it. =[ so yeah drill competition woke up at 4:30AM. so tired. had to wake up andy and haley too. LOL. my mom came back from new york, gave me a ride to school. still tired. i was just glad i wasn't the first one there. so as usual benson, kenton, and eric mah were picking on me again. they called me a huk gwa! ugh! D:< the bus ride was okay. i kept waking up every 10 seconds cause it was a shaky ride. so yeah black team got to compete, but when we did. it was a major epic fail. i super lagged at rest. hah, that was a downfall. then everyone got off step. =[ from what i heard red team got first place but couldn't compete for the trophy. and raider got 2nd. D; wahh. i feel bad. everyone liked my cookies though (: only second time making them. x] ummm. yeah when we got i immediately left. LOL. wasn't in the mood to socialize, and people talk about my failure. i was supposed to go play basketball and tennis with kenton today. but it's raining and wet. =[ so maybe? i unno. i might get my itouch today. but doubt it. tomorrow! is when i know for sure i'm getting it! so happy. (= spring trip is this week too. 4 days. and today is my lazy bum of a cousin birthday, dennis. =P and that's all. school tomorrow. mcas for the 10th graders this week, which means delay entries! hah suckers. (: and i should be studying for y math exam. ughh! FML.

continue.

I haven't blogged for like a week. I don't really know what to say. My day was okay and weird. So i woke up at like 12. Got a call from andy asking to go to the mall with him and andreaa. i said yeah since i have nothing else to do. so i went found out andrea couldn't go. we went on the train and there was this really creepy guy in a ski mask. omggg. so scary we got off at wolloston and got in a different part of the train. then i found out andy dragged me all the way to the galleria just for TWO burritos and coffee. LOL. we went all that way when we could of gotten it in wolloston. FAIL.
it was okay i guess, didn't buy anything except food. ahaha. it was an adventure? then we left after like 1-2ish hours there. we were waiting for the train and this dude kept staring at me he was like 10 feet away from us, and i got so crepped out. OMGG. i saw brandon tran too! LOL. so while we we went on the train waited blah blah i was going to fujis for the new cadet dinner, andy was going to go home. then andy goes i bet there going to be on the same train as us. them being the rest of the people going to the dinner. then yeah what he said came true! gged. so yeah after that went to fujis. ate and stuff benson was being a jerk calling me fat and making fun of me. what a jerkface. leo jonathan and wai kept laughing at me! ughh then benson, jonathan, leo, and wilson were going to have this wasabi eating contest thing. mad funny. i choked on my food and my water. thanks a lot you guys. and then jonathan and benson were being immature brats saying and yelling penis and lapchain. omgg. so embarrassing and there was a family behind us with their kids. and yeah then it was over. the bill was $500 for just like 10 of us. LOL. damn so much. D; then everyone wanted an after party. the party was at jonathan's i couldn't go overprotective mothers. hah. so i went home. and i saw starry dao at the t station. omgg. so weird. he likes like 5 minutes away from me too. scary stuff. so that was my day.

the worst week of my life. =[

Yeah, as the title says WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE. I know i've said things like that before. This time though it different i mean it. So i'mma make a list thing like everyone else does.

MONDAY; Monday was probably one of the worst out of all of them. It seemed like everyone was against me the whole day, or just people love pissing me off or teasing me for no friggen reason. They say it's because i'm "short", short my fat ass! Usually i would just let it go. This wasn't one of those times. Seriously three strikes and your OUT. There called one, two, and three this time. One was pissing me off saying salhdlasdk was my boyfriend, when he wasn't. Worst of all people believed he was. GROSS! Two, was pretty much doing the same thing, but thinking of me as a uncontrolled animal and needs to be taken care of. Three, i just friggen exploded on him. I shoved him and yelled and screamed. It wasn't like me; i just couldn't take it anymore. My patience doesn't last forever, and to tell you the truth i felt better after saying it. To me i think he deserves it. He was like giving me attitude and being mean to me saying shit for no reason. I like erupted like a volcano. Swore in front of three adults (teachers), at that point i didn't even care who they were, and didn't think they would be my future teachers. Those thoughts were wayyy far back in my mind. The only thing i could think of now was leaving. Joys, and i left, ran outside, surprised some of my friends still at school ran to them and started to breakdown for like the first time in like three years. The weather was strangely like my mood. Snow, rain, cold, and sleet-y.
TUESDAY; the day after the fight, screaming. People been thinking the whole thing was pretty funny. I couldn't blame them i guess? The worst was that people think i went berserk on them for NO reason. I don't do that kind of stuff for no reason; i thought all of you would know that. That was the first time i was ever that pissed, that i had to yell it out, there lucky i didn't hit them in there faces.
WENDSDAY; It was the last time i was going to see Cindy for a while. =[ The only good thing is that i found out that drill competition will be postponed and i'm still on black team. Since it's postponed unarmed exhibition won't need me. I'm relived yet disappointed? I worked hard trying to do my best but in the end i can't compete? OH well always next year...
THURSDAY (TODAY); I pretty much failed my two mandarin quizzes, 53 and a 65. Algebra i got a 60. FML. I've been doing so badly in school. Science fair presentation, ugh! I stutter too much. I can speak in front of people. I always talk too soft, or stutter. So scary! >___< Crystal came over and pigged off of me. I made her noodles and everything! LOL, were so fattt! xP We plan to go to the YMCA soon! So we can work out and lose weight! Gained so much blubber for the winter now to loose it all! >=]

hoping Friday will be better,
ROWLOW.

the snow is cold.

Don't you just hate the gut feeling of thinking someone is trying to avoid you, ignore you, or just plain hating you. Yeah, that's how i've been feeling for like the past two weeks and it feels a lot longer. What i hate about it most is that, that someone means a lot to me too. Like even though everyone else is always saying hello to me when they see me and i reply with the usual greet right back, i just can't help but feel invisible. I guess we'll call this person "SNOW". Yeah, i know weird codename but you guys get the idea? So i really don't know what happened between us. Sure, we never really talked a lot. I met snow at like the first semester of school. Snow would usually walk me to a class, unless __ got up late. Snow would wait for me while i was packing for my next classes, we were always late for class. haha sucked. Then it just stopped after February vacation. I don't know what happened but i kinda get the feeling it's my fault. I wish i knew what happened, so i can find a way to fix it. Even when i see snow in the hallways i look, and snow like lowers __ head if __ sees me. It's really weird and hurtful i guess? I said hi to snow like last week __ acknowledged that? I just really don't know what to do, sadly. I wish we were back to what we were before. The only thing i think i could do now is get over it, ignore it, and pray that in a few months everything will be back to normal between us. I guess i lost another one eh? Life, just sucks. But what i hate is that this would affect me so much and i'm angry at myself for it letting it get to me. I just don't know why but, it just hurts.. a lot. So i guess all i can do now is that i have to hope for the best. Or hope that i can get over this soon and forget it, though i hope that i don't have to go to that option.

We don't say good bye, we say see you later. <3

Yeah, were pretty cool.
<3

So yeah it was CLO-Y's last day. It was really sad, and pretty good. Sad cause she was leaving, and good cause we were all together. This whole vacation was one of the greatest I've ever had. The whole week we were always together and with our friends. What I liked most was how everyone came together just to welcome her back and say "see you later" to her. It feels like she was the one who brought us together, even though probably some people were mad at each other or didn't get along no more we still came together for ONE cause.
Yeah, we only had like four hours with her for the rest of the day. Those four hours were spent in Joanne's house just hanging around talking, listening to music, and making jokes. Seemed like the usual thing to do on a Saturday. I wished it could of lasted longer, but sometimes good things have to come to an end. It was like the last thirty minutes some people started crying. I started it first.. again! Then came Peter he started balling his eyes out. Then CLO-Y. It was pretty sad. I think Peter even cried more than me! Cindy, Crystal, Adam, and Brandon went to Stop & Shop together. They bought CLO-Y cake and cupcakes. So nice of them. Thank Buddha they barely made it back on time. Too bad she didn't get a chance to eat the cake, but she got a cupcake to go. I got the last hug. (= I couldn't go to the airport with her, cause she didn't want anyone crying there. So she knew I was going to cry. So yeah that sucks. After she left everyone ate cake and stuff. Andrew almost wouldn't eat the cake cause he was too depressed. He ate it anyways. -____- That fat ass. It was sad to see her go, but I'll see her in the summer with Andrew, Joanne, and Emily. Can't wait four months. Funny, four hours and four months. =O I can't wait until school is over and summer begins. I get to see CLO-Y again and science fair will be over. I HATE SCIENCE FAIR. Ugh, whoever the dude invented it was some nut job. Anyways, CLO-Y WE MISS YOU. HAVE A SAFE TRIP BACK TO WASHINGTON. BOSTON MISSES YOU. <3>

Bangouts and Sangouts?! =O

Hey, hey, heyyyy. (; Finally blogging after three days? LOL! Okay, umm Carolyn's party was okay. People were drinking it pissed me off. So i hit everyone, pretty much on the head. It felt good. LMAO! We actually had food at the party. ahaha. That's like a first. We did the usual played singstar, some rock band, i went on the treadmill (LOL!!), and using judy's sidekick to text people. HEY, I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE TEXTING! WILSON WAS TOO! =P Carolyn and I were singstaring pretty much while people where doing there own shit, and i always lost, except like two times. LOL. I'm so pathetic. ahaha! People got spiked. Saddly, stupid Alan and that loserface "Uncle John". >=[ Jeffrey was scaring me and giving lap dances. SO SCARY. Now because of them i don't wanna turn fifteen! =[ Cause there going to SERIOUSLY give me a REAL lap dance. OH GEEZS THE FRIGGEN HORROR MANG!
Lalala, BANGOUT DOS! Hehe. SO bangout two belongs to CLO-Y! We went to the mall, and saw everyone there. Then went to the movies and saw Confessions of a Shopaholic. I personally liked it no matter how cheesy and obvious the ending was. I thought it was sweet. LOL. (= It makes me wanna read the books! Grace you wanna let me barrow them? PLEASE? AND WHERE'S MY EDWARD CULLEN ECLIPSE BOOK! ___< So after 99 we found out that it rained. So we bolted it back to SSP. We just walked around. THEN I FOUND THE MOST AWESOME SHIRT EVER! PIKACHU! <3 I want it soo bad. LOL! And a ninja shirt. hehe. Also they were selling girl scout cookies. But when i went back from my adventure they were gone. =[ So for the rest of the day we sat around taking pictures of the beast! <3 So it was a fun day. I can't wait for bangout three! CRYSTAL'S. (=


TOOTALOO,
Rosemary Lolo (;