numb.

Now a days it's hard for me to tell who my real friends are. i know now that i have only like seven true friends, that i know will be there for me.. for now. i guess it's just been hard. after telling some so called friend some stuff, private stuff. i hear about it from another person mouth ONE day later. the same "friend" always picking on me, calling me names, and talking behind my back. when i hear what he says about me from someone i know i can trust. it hurts that he would think so lowly of me. just because i'm friends with someone with more "power". thinking i'm just using him so i can get to the top. i thought he would know better than that! i wouldn't do anything like that ever. were just friends, but apparently he thinks other wise. it just pisses me off, how he could just say all that stuff about me. i always pretend that nothing happened or i don't hear anything, but it's hard to keep quiet sometimes. i just wish that he didn't think of me this way. i know i'm a better person than that. it's a shame he just thinks other wise. why can't he just accept that _____ and i are just friends and that i'm friends with everyone else too. sometimes i think he does all this stuff cause he's jealous of me or something, because i'm so close with them and he isn't. cause when i see him trying to talk to them, it seems like he tries to hard to get them to accept him. when he should just be himself. instead of boot licking. cause i heard he started talking to ____ and then _____ got really annoyed with him . so he doesn't talk to him no more cause he's annoying or well tries to avoid him. when i first met all of them i just acted like myself, and they accepted me for who i was. well maybe at first they might of just talked to me cause i was related to ___, but he has the same thing. he's related to ____. but when we all started talking, i was myself. i wasn't ____ cousin. i was myself. so why can't he do that? i don't get it. why does he always try to make me look bad in front of them and everyone. always calling me a whore, a slut, a tramp, a gold digger, ect. you get the idea. just because there all guys doesn't mean i can't be friends with them. it's like he's saying i can't have guys as friends anymore, and just be and stay friends. i just hope he stops. it's just so frustrating that he even thinks of me like that. like i'm friggen power hungry. i rather earn something by myself then it being given to me. it's 28390723984 times more satisfying knowing that you earned it. i hope he'll stop and think about it. it's like he changed. it's more like he's the one that's after everything. that he's the tramp, slut, whore, gold digger. i just dunno what i did wrong for him to hate me so much. if the thing i did wrong was make new friends, then i'm not sorry for that. i'm just sorry that he's like this now to me, like he's so fed up and so envious. i hate this and i hate him for what he became. i hate that he changed. i wish we had our old relationship back. i think we would of both been happier.