BOREDOM KILLS.

I'm amazingly bored right now. So bored i decided to blog, when i should be doing my ROTC project.. ASDLAKD! But, yesterday was Joanne and Minh's Birthday! Happy Late Birthday now you guys. Joanne planned a birthday dinner. It was fun, Cheesecake Factory. The thing i ordered was very good, Bistro Shrimp Pasta; i couldn't finish it though. Everyone else got the same thing. Be original you guys! After dinner we went to that spiderweb thing near the Galleria. We were playing there and then i noticed something was moving in the bushes. Me thinking it was a bird or something just let it slip back to the back of my mind and kept climbing. Then Judiee and Cynthia come over and they said "lets go there's a homeless person in the bushes." So then they informed everyone, and we all freaked out and speed walked away. It was pretty hilarious, but scary. Judiee heard the person talking. The person was like "stop fucking climbing it's such a fucking disturbance" we couldn't hear it because she was mumbling it. So we went home. I got back home at like 11:40. Thank Buddha i beat my dad home. My mother yelled at me though a bit. So today i'm stuck home bored with nothing to do and i'm BROKE. NOT COOL. =[

time sure does fly by.

It seems that as we get older time goes by faster. My first day of high school seemed like it was just yesterday, but now were in MAY. I'm practically a sophomore now. Only a month of school left filled with preparing for finals. Then it's freedom and sunshine for two months. It's hard believing that this first year of high school flew by without me knowing. I feel OLD. It feels like i'm growing up to fast. The sad thing is i'm not getting any taller. -__- And sometimes it makes me wish that freshman year won't end, but i know it has to. The seniors of '09 are going to be leaving soon. It's pretty surreal. Even though i wasn't really close with any of them, it's saddening. It's hard to see that some of them are now adults, since they're always so silly at times. I'm going to miss beating up Dennis in the halls. x]

A few days ago there was the ROTC Awards Banquet. It was okay. I saw myself in the sideshow, it was a picture with Adam, BChu, Mitchell, and Danny i think. We were at Six Flags and this bak gwa make a comment saying "why is there a random girl in the picture?" So i made a comment saying "hey, that random girl is me!" Then he goes, "wow, it dosen't look like you." Geezs, what's that supposed to mean!? Tammy got so many awards. I'm jealous, but happy for her at the same time. For the freshman it was pretty obvious who was going to get something, Tammy, Emily, Jonathan, and Benson. They all make me want to try harder. hah. We have a new top 5! GC is Andy Quach, DGC Colin Chen, DO is Sharon Lee, DOS is Phil Quach, Chief is Jen La. Good job everyone. =] Sometimes things like these make me look forward to next year.

numb.

Now a days it's hard for me to tell who my real friends are. i know now that i have only like seven true friends, that i know will be there for me.. for now. i guess it's just been hard. after telling some so called friend some stuff, private stuff. i hear about it from another person mouth ONE day later. the same "friend" always picking on me, calling me names, and talking behind my back. when i hear what he says about me from someone i know i can trust. it hurts that he would think so lowly of me. just because i'm friends with someone with more "power". thinking i'm just using him so i can get to the top. i thought he would know better than that! i wouldn't do anything like that ever. were just friends, but apparently he thinks other wise. it just pisses me off, how he could just say all that stuff about me. i always pretend that nothing happened or i don't hear anything, but it's hard to keep quiet sometimes. i just wish that he didn't think of me this way. i know i'm a better person than that. it's a shame he just thinks other wise. why can't he just accept that _____ and i are just friends and that i'm friends with everyone else too. sometimes i think he does all this stuff cause he's jealous of me or something, because i'm so close with them and he isn't. cause when i see him trying to talk to them, it seems like he tries to hard to get them to accept him. when he should just be himself. instead of boot licking. cause i heard he started talking to ____ and then _____ got really annoyed with him . so he doesn't talk to him no more cause he's annoying or well tries to avoid him. when i first met all of them i just acted like myself, and they accepted me for who i was. well maybe at first they might of just talked to me cause i was related to ___, but he has the same thing. he's related to ____. but when we all started talking, i was myself. i wasn't ____ cousin. i was myself. so why can't he do that? i don't get it. why does he always try to make me look bad in front of them and everyone. always calling me a whore, a slut, a tramp, a gold digger, ect. you get the idea. just because there all guys doesn't mean i can't be friends with them. it's like he's saying i can't have guys as friends anymore, and just be and stay friends. i just hope he stops. it's just so frustrating that he even thinks of me like that. like i'm friggen power hungry. i rather earn something by myself then it being given to me. it's 28390723984 times more satisfying knowing that you earned it. i hope he'll stop and think about it. it's like he changed. it's more like he's the one that's after everything. that he's the tramp, slut, whore, gold digger. i just dunno what i did wrong for him to hate me so much. if the thing i did wrong was make new friends, then i'm not sorry for that. i'm just sorry that he's like this now to me, like he's so fed up and so envious. i hate this and i hate him for what he became. i hate that he changed. i wish we had our old relationship back. i think we would of both been happier.

saturdays.

it's been a few days since my last post. on saturday there was a drill competition. and my friends planned a fun day that day too and i couldn't make it. =[ so yeah drill competition woke up at 4:30AM. so tired. had to wake up andy and haley too. LOL. my mom came back from new york, gave me a ride to school. still tired. i was just glad i wasn't the first one there. so as usual benson, kenton, and eric mah were picking on me again. they called me a huk gwa! ugh! D:< the bus ride was okay. i kept waking up every 10 seconds cause it was a shaky ride. so yeah black team got to compete, but when we did. it was a major epic fail. i super lagged at rest. hah, that was a downfall. then everyone got off step. =[ from what i heard red team got first place but couldn't compete for the trophy. and raider got 2nd. D; wahh. i feel bad. everyone liked my cookies though (: only second time making them. x] ummm. yeah when we got i immediately left. LOL. wasn't in the mood to socialize, and people talk about my failure. i was supposed to go play basketball and tennis with kenton today. but it's raining and wet. =[ so maybe? i unno. i might get my itouch today. but doubt it. tomorrow! is when i know for sure i'm getting it! so happy. (= spring trip is this week too. 4 days. and today is my lazy bum of a cousin birthday, dennis. =P and that's all. school tomorrow. mcas for the 10th graders this week, which means delay entries! hah suckers. (: and i should be studying for y math exam. ughh! FML.

continue.

I haven't blogged for like a week. I don't really know what to say. My day was okay and weird. So i woke up at like 12. Got a call from andy asking to go to the mall with him and andreaa. i said yeah since i have nothing else to do. so i went found out andrea couldn't go. we went on the train and there was this really creepy guy in a ski mask. omggg. so scary we got off at wolloston and got in a different part of the train. then i found out andy dragged me all the way to the galleria just for TWO burritos and coffee. LOL. we went all that way when we could of gotten it in wolloston. FAIL.
it was okay i guess, didn't buy anything except food. ahaha. it was an adventure? then we left after like 1-2ish hours there. we were waiting for the train and this dude kept staring at me he was like 10 feet away from us, and i got so crepped out. OMGG. i saw brandon tran too! LOL. so while we we went on the train waited blah blah i was going to fujis for the new cadet dinner, andy was going to go home. then andy goes i bet there going to be on the same train as us. them being the rest of the people going to the dinner. then yeah what he said came true! gged. so yeah after that went to fujis. ate and stuff benson was being a jerk calling me fat and making fun of me. what a jerkface. leo jonathan and wai kept laughing at me! ughh then benson, jonathan, leo, and wilson were going to have this wasabi eating contest thing. mad funny. i choked on my food and my water. thanks a lot you guys. and then jonathan and benson were being immature brats saying and yelling penis and lapchain. omgg. so embarrassing and there was a family behind us with their kids. and yeah then it was over. the bill was $500 for just like 10 of us. LOL. damn so much. D; then everyone wanted an after party. the party was at jonathan's i couldn't go overprotective mothers. hah. so i went home. and i saw starry dao at the t station. omgg. so weird. he likes like 5 minutes away from me too. scary stuff. so that was my day.

the worst week of my life. =[

Yeah, as the title says WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE. I know i've said things like that before. This time though it different i mean it. So i'mma make a list thing like everyone else does.

MONDAY; Monday was probably one of the worst out of all of them. It seemed like everyone was against me the whole day, or just people love pissing me off or teasing me for no friggen reason. They say it's because i'm "short", short my fat ass! Usually i would just let it go. This wasn't one of those times. Seriously three strikes and your OUT. There called one, two, and three this time. One was pissing me off saying salhdlasdk was my boyfriend, when he wasn't. Worst of all people believed he was. GROSS! Two, was pretty much doing the same thing, but thinking of me as a uncontrolled animal and needs to be taken care of. Three, i just friggen exploded on him. I shoved him and yelled and screamed. It wasn't like me; i just couldn't take it anymore. My patience doesn't last forever, and to tell you the truth i felt better after saying it. To me i think he deserves it. He was like giving me attitude and being mean to me saying shit for no reason. I like erupted like a volcano. Swore in front of three adults (teachers), at that point i didn't even care who they were, and didn't think they would be my future teachers. Those thoughts were wayyy far back in my mind. The only thing i could think of now was leaving. Joys, and i left, ran outside, surprised some of my friends still at school ran to them and started to breakdown for like the first time in like three years. The weather was strangely like my mood. Snow, rain, cold, and sleet-y.
TUESDAY; the day after the fight, screaming. People been thinking the whole thing was pretty funny. I couldn't blame them i guess? The worst was that people think i went berserk on them for NO reason. I don't do that kind of stuff for no reason; i thought all of you would know that. That was the first time i was ever that pissed, that i had to yell it out, there lucky i didn't hit them in there faces.
WENDSDAY; It was the last time i was going to see Cindy for a while. =[ The only good thing is that i found out that drill competition will be postponed and i'm still on black team. Since it's postponed unarmed exhibition won't need me. I'm relived yet disappointed? I worked hard trying to do my best but in the end i can't compete? OH well always next year...
THURSDAY (TODAY); I pretty much failed my two mandarin quizzes, 53 and a 65. Algebra i got a 60. FML. I've been doing so badly in school. Science fair presentation, ugh! I stutter too much. I can speak in front of people. I always talk too soft, or stutter. So scary! >___< Crystal came over and pigged off of me. I made her noodles and everything! LOL, were so fattt! xP We plan to go to the YMCA soon! So we can work out and lose weight! Gained so much blubber for the winter now to loose it all! >=]

hoping Friday will be better,
ROWLOW.

the snow is cold.

Don't you just hate the gut feeling of thinking someone is trying to avoid you, ignore you, or just plain hating you. Yeah, that's how i've been feeling for like the past two weeks and it feels a lot longer. What i hate about it most is that, that someone means a lot to me too. Like even though everyone else is always saying hello to me when they see me and i reply with the usual greet right back, i just can't help but feel invisible. I guess we'll call this person "SNOW". Yeah, i know weird codename but you guys get the idea? So i really don't know what happened between us. Sure, we never really talked a lot. I met snow at like the first semester of school. Snow would usually walk me to a class, unless __ got up late. Snow would wait for me while i was packing for my next classes, we were always late for class. haha sucked. Then it just stopped after February vacation. I don't know what happened but i kinda get the feeling it's my fault. I wish i knew what happened, so i can find a way to fix it. Even when i see snow in the hallways i look, and snow like lowers __ head if __ sees me. It's really weird and hurtful i guess? I said hi to snow like last week __ acknowledged that? I just really don't know what to do, sadly. I wish we were back to what we were before. The only thing i think i could do now is get over it, ignore it, and pray that in a few months everything will be back to normal between us. I guess i lost another one eh? Life, just sucks. But what i hate is that this would affect me so much and i'm angry at myself for it letting it get to me. I just don't know why but, it just hurts.. a lot. So i guess all i can do now is that i have to hope for the best. Or hope that i can get over this soon and forget it, though i hope that i don't have to go to that option.